By Primo Armelini
Sitting at his desk, Gill was gathering his ideas about the last few years of his life; it was not the time to act or to decide, but to isolate and reflect. This could have been his prison, his cloister. Would he ever get out in the world again? “If I stay too long here” he said to himself, “I will never let grow and blossom the seed that I have cherished for so long inside myself”.
The image of those so-called friends, who never were reliable allies in his projects, came to him and this pushed him to remain longer in this imaginary convent. His enthusiasm had him going toward friends and relationships with ideas and projects, just to end up disappointed and frustrated by their lack of passion and involvement. Maybe Gill was not always a practical person, but he wanted to have an influence on the people around, although he rarely achieved this goal.
Gill remembered his adversary, his fierceness against him. It was a time of idealism and great hopes which crumbled at his feet or vanished as he approached them, a bit like the windmills that Don Quichotte used to fight. So, he lost hope and didn’t know how to fight for his ideals anymore, and he became cynical and unscrupulous.
Gill now is a mature man with considerable achievements to his merit, but the most interesting aspect of his personality is the considerable inner strength he developed along his life; the testing times of his past have helped him to grow a deep intuition. A family man, warm-hearted and with an acute sense of responsibility. He appreciates the arts and when he can he also produces some pieces of writing and music.
The fact is that Gill was moved by a desire for structure and balance, and it would grasp any opportunity to progress, to move forward – although he could not always catch the train. He often thought and acted fast amid emails and phone calls. Attracted by travelling, he grasped any business opportunity to journey.
Along the way, some inertia and laziness were his Achille’s heel; this caused him to waste most of his talent and not to take the necessary steps that would ensure his success. The negative side of his attitude made him content to dream about what he could do instead of making it happen. A lack of self-esteem often put Gill in a position of being overlooked and ignored, or even bullied.
The solution to this solitary and isolated condition lies in a radical change where the old branches would be left behind. Gill needs to move toward self-assertiveness. He will change if he accepts to lead his life and to do that he needs to travel again in his subconscious. Gill aimed at order and structure, but he was held up by not knowing his real and deepest desires. He is made in such a way that all what is not known to him will hold him back, will stop him from advancing. In this case, Gill has to face some fears connected to what or who he really loves and has to accept that an important part of his life is to be away from the others because of the “professional” path he has chosen; this will take him away from social gatherings and social fun. The answer to the question therefore it appears clearly a result of his nature and his choices, but also as the result of still unveiled secrets. Gill’s weak point is a tendency to be lazy which, added to his lack of self-esteem, could keep him in a limbo both on the relationship’s side and on the self-realisation. So more disciplined action and structured focused work can really bring a sense of purpose. With this wisdom, he will limit his isolation and at the same time make sense of his way to be often separated from the others.
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